really sad at this moment..

I dont know why.. but I feel really sad at this moment. Im crying and I clearly know the reason why. Im afraid of being alone. My mom is leaving tomorrow to Boston and she asked my stepdad to come stay with me. I'm already missing my dad I dont want to have to lose mymom too. Although I always say I hate my mom and I want her to be gone, deep down inside.. i dont mean it at all. Its gonna be like 2 years ago when I had to be alone in connecticut. Spending the holidays alone.. Im not going to have my mom to yell at me , nag me, or hit me. I hate myself for being such a bad daughter. I wish I could go back and make it up to her. Im gonna miss u mom. And I hope Nick doesnt leave me because I dont know what ill do. And jody too =[... i feel so sad now. I dont want to wake up with puffy eyes so ill stop for now. Thanks for reading guys.