its okay. its alright. i put the pain away and let it slide

I did it. I finally left hot&crusty. Although It was a waste of my time training there, I gained experience... and free foood ! mwuahahaa. Well I left early today.. mylast day there, and after I got off the train, I went to the chinese bakery near my house and asked if they were hiring. They said yes and tehy will call me :] great i found a part time job. I also applied to mandeee and stop and shop. Two jobs!!! Woot. It's raining right now.

Dang today I was wear shorts and this mexican on the 6 train had the nerve to try to touch my ass

right or wrong?

thanks masaki for picking me up from work and hanging out with me. You made me feeel a ton better than i was feeling yesterday.

no words can express how sad i am today

It was just yesterday, when i was happy and hyper. But today, everything seems so dark and blue around me. While I was at work, Jimmy, one of the guys who work there[and gives me and attitude], told me that i couldnt use the FUCKING cash register because ON FUCKING FRIDAY THERE WAS 30$ FUCKING DOLLARS MISSING. WELL EVERYONE MKAES MISTAKES ONCE IN A FUCKING WHILE. SO I HAD TO STAND THERE NOT DOING ANYTHING, BUT MAKING COFFEEE AND I FUCKING FEEL LIKE SHIT AND I HATE MY FUCKING BOYFRIEND BECAUSE HE DOESNT EVEN TRY TO COMFORT ME S FUCK MY LIFE X200000000000000000 TIMES. FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK.


its fucking over

Good day at work!

Today was a pretty good day at work. Everything went on smoothly... and the mean coworkers werent in today yay! I didn't make any mistake but too bad the manager wasnt there to see. -_-.... Woooh Im much faster with the cash register... :] lalala so boredd.. mommy is making curry chicken yumm too bad im not eating any.. i have to lose a few more pounds ^_^....

extremely tiring day

I got up at 6:30 this morning, got out at 7:00 and arrived at school at 8. Didn't really do much... stayed there until 10 something I believe and then left with masaki, samuel, and alvin... well supposedly supposed to be only masaki, but the other two tagged along. It was a ... very awkward day.. pretty sad dayalso. I kept bumping into him today in the hallways lol.. :( I felt very uneasy while we were walking.. I felt really bad. But then again.. why should I feel bad? I didnt do anything wrong. I've put into a lot of energy into our relationship. So then we took the train together and departed... masaki and i got off at bryant park and the others went to chinatown. We went to starbucks to eat yogurt [ i had to feed his lazy ass] and nintendo world right after. mwuhahaa nintendo world was fun because we played wii and omgg they have really cute tshirts. I'm going to buysome definitely when i get mypaycheck hehe. I will be getting a mario shirt, peach, and toad. I also have to revisit that lush store to buy a dream cream heeeheeeheeeeeeee. ANYWAY... I dont know if I made the right decision getting back with him... I felt really bad because I once told him that I won't give up on us.. and I did. I hurt him really bad, but so did he. He hurt me by not showing that he cares :(... making me sad everyday.. confused and not knowing if he really likes me ... but after this I can tell he does. I had never seen him so sad before.. and today was the first time. Funny how he thought I was avoiding him... because i thought he was avoiding me.

Today was a very clumsy day at work for me. I made a lot of mistakes.. thats because I was so tired... having to wake up at 6:30 ... no rest... didn't really eat much and walked a tonnnnn.

It was also very hot.

Time to go look at fashion blogs :}

won't be able to update much since I've been soo busy these past few weeks. I really can't wait to go to 6flags!

a hot mess

As you can see from the first picture , I look very tired and sad... :[ Don't ask why..

I met up with sj at 1 and then went to toto's. Yes toto AGAIN... yea you guys should know by now how much i love sticky pics >.<>.<...

After that I went straight to work. I dont know why but I was prettty clumsy today. I kept putting milk when it was iced tea -_-... maybe because I love ice coffee so much pwuehehe. So tomorrow I have to go back to school to get my report.. that means I will have to see him.. sigh... I'm such a bad decision maker. What should I say to him? I wish I could just pour out my feelings and tell him that he makes me feel like shit everyday.

I miss you so much right now.. and & wish very much to speak to you. You have no idea how much.........forget it

Getting better at my job!

First of all, i'd like to say that I am veryyyy happy because My package from yesstyle finally came !! yay !! [clothes ♥]. At first I was very worried because I thought I'd never get used to my job. Suprisingly, it's getting really easy ! And this is my 4th time working there. I really hope I get this job because I m doing very good and the customers seem to really like me :) . I really like my co workers because they are so nice and fun. The weather is getting better and better.

This morning I broke up with him... I don't know if my decision was right or wrong. I really don't want to let him go... but the thing is, if I don't, I will just let myself get hurt even more. I really hate making decisions ! -_____-". Hmm what should I wear tomorrow? I dont think I will be able to update as often as I used to because I am very busy these days =[ Good thing dominique& i are hitting the beach this weeeekend !! yayyy. I really want to get a tan :]. I really like the ice coffees that I make, they are sooOo... YUMMMY!!!


Well... time to shower :] Hope tomorrow will be a better day.

Sometimes love comes around...just get backup when it knocks you down.

Today isnt exactly the best day. I got up at 1pm and took the train to my job place. Boy was it hard... I didnt know how to work the cash register... im so damn clumsy and I hate it. I have to worry about how to make cappucinos and expresso. People who work there are so rude and ignorant. Met up with devon after and walked around. It was avery boring day. Got caught by police try to get into turnstill with devon at the same time -_- those assholes. Now I have a 100$ warrant just great.

My job place called me and left a voicemail but it was in fucking spanish. Maybe it wasnt for me...
omg
=[

sigh But i do think I got hired though... anyways good luck to me... I can't give up!!!!!!!!!!!

Sneaking into theaters, jumping turnstills, & training at my first job!

My oh my... boy do i have a lot to write. Yesterday was an amazing day.. however I was too lazy to write a blog since I got home very late. Basically, devon and I met up yesterday.. then met up with marine and went to the city. We were supposedly supposed to go to marines mom's place but a car crashed into the entrance so we weren't able to go in. How ironic. Then we decided to walk around the stores. We went inside H&M, Victoria's secret, and forever 21. After that we decided to eat. Man the food in the city are expensive..but delicious. Anyways, we walked around to look for jobs. Most of them told us to print out an app. online and bring it back to them. Wtf thats mad work ! lols. I filled out like 1 application for starbucks. Then marine had to leave. After that devon and I went to this rest to ask for a job. Coincidently, this owner of Hot&crusty told us that we could work at his place ! how awesome is that?! After that we just snuck into a movie theater in times sq and watched drag me to hell =) that movie was soooooooo damm FUNNY....


Okay so that was yesterday...

This morning... Devon texted me a t around 9 am... I went back to sleep and overslept. When she arrived at roosevelt avenue, I was still in bed. I hurried and met up with her. We arrived at the hot & crusty place and sat that for about 15 mins.. then they trained us. I personally think that I will like the job a lot . However, the problem is memorizing the whole menu is just tooo much! Its just too complex... So i made coffee, ice coffee, iced tea... and stuff. It was great. After that we met up with masaki,, walked around, went to starbucks, and then snuck into the movies again !!! :D ... It was awesome. We watched the hangover and it was so funny. After that masaki had to leave so devon and i went to this place to eat chicken wraps. Then after that we just went home. I just finished showering... and writing all the menu onto flashcards so i cud memorize them. Tomorrow I have to go back to hot and crusty to train ! for 3 hours =)... after 10 days, hopefully, I will be able to get the job!!! :) GOODLUCK TO MEE!!



btw I miss samuel :[

Weird but fun day

Today was a very interesting day. I woke up at 7 something Am to get the student metro from anna... went to sleep for like 20 minutes. Got ready and met my bebe in front of the school. Then Bebe, me, sam, alvin, and wei went to sams house for a bit so they could fix their hair >.>.... And after we took the train to chinatown. Stopped at elizabeth center first then walked to vivi to get a drink. Then tehy went to HK station to eat. Later I met up with jody, fay, anney, and fay's friend at ec. :]

Our relationship is growing stronger :) We linked arms for the first time today yay us!
ahhi like my bebe very much.
After I departed with them, jody and fay and i walked to seaport. Then my bebe aimed me and said he wanted to meet me up at seaport :) SO he got there and we went to watch these 2 contortionists perform. It was very cool! It was a shame that not many people clapped

well samuel and i went back to ct and i met up with anney. lalala


anney , martin, and i then went to viet rest to eat and went to grand park tos it for a second. After that we took the train to queens. It was so funnnn. I have really cool friends :)

Anney went to my house and we had sooo much fun. I did her hair. We went outside and she pushed me on the shopping cart. ahh :}

meeting sj tomorrow. Can't wait :)

Staying home on a rainy day

I didn't go out today because of the rain and they decided they didnt want to go to manhatten anymore. Im sitll mad that i lost my student metro. Ive already wasted 12$ just on the dam bus ! they're in flushing right now.. toto'ing -_-. Grrr.. stop raining gosh.. ruining my summerT_T. Dam I need to find a job fast. Stupid syep said i cudnt because the deadline was june2. OH well... Just goottta keeeeeeeeeep looking. But seriously, next week if the weather gets better, I'm definitely going to the beach :)

Last day of regents!

So like I really wanted to update yesterday but there was just too much going on. Stupid blogspot just deleted my original post so I m gonna have to retype it. Ill just tell u what i did today. Chem regents. After that went to flushing mall with samuel, alvin, sam, luis, raymond, willy, and masaki. hmmmmmmm after that went to pool wtih luis and met up wtih jeanni eand dominique after to take totos. Wow im such an lazy ass. Can't wait till tomorrow !

What a beautiful wonderful day !!!

No such words can explain how happy I am today. Today was such a great day, although it rained. It was great today because 1.School is officially over!. 2.My orders from yesstyle has finally been confirmed!(although I still have to wait for it to arrive T^T)3.I FINLLY GOT MY WORKING PAPER! yes yes yes yes! 4.Samuel and I went to sams house to hang and...<3> and last but not least.....MS CHOI IS LEAVING OUR SCHOOL AND LEAVING TO ANOTHER SCHOOL YSE YES YES !! NO MORE HER NEXT YEAR :D. Isnt that just wonderful... hee heee heee. However, there is one kind of unfortunate thing though. No more syep because the deadline was juneo2 :O... but its okay because the pay isnt good enough >< I guess ill just have to find a job inmain st :)... I can't wait for summer to come. I've planned so much stuff. I definitely can't wait till six flags !!! lalala I miss you chagi ~


Just finishd eating so ramen. so full full full FULL.

Studying for the regents

Today is a sunday and I've decided to stay home today to sudy. Honestly, I'm not the type of person to study... I mean.. even if I try to, it doesn't really stick to my head. The only way it will is if I was interested in it. So the regents is in... 2 days... and I'm going to have to read the whole entire american history review book. I'm fairly good with the beginning chapters, just not the chapters that talk about the new decades, reform movements and such. As you guys can see, im a sagittarius... and sagittarius people like to explore and are outgoing.. not people who enjoy sitting on their asses at home and studying !!!! = =...hmm online shopping right now because mom pissed me off and im going to use her CC ^_^ byebye

♥ first date with him.

so today was our actual real date without anyone else. Hmm... So i met him in front of the library.. then met up with sj because I borrowed 15$ from her for the movie. Stupid mom was being a bitch. It started to drizzle after we got off the bus so we ran to the theater. The movie night at the museum was okay. It wasn't as good as I expected. Well there was an awkward moment in the theater. I put my head on his shoulder and he put his on mine. hehe... He's so shy.. its unbelievable. After the movies we went to flushing mall to walk around. It was very boring. Then after that we just went to the bakery to sit and chat... very very awkward conversation... hmm I can see that he's trying very hard to open up to me. I myself is also trying very hard to let him get used to it. I don't know what to do though. I have never been in this kind of situation before. So after a while of awkward chatting, the most ironic thing happened. Dominique and Jeannie walked in LMAO. yea it was hilarious because dominique kept making me laugh with her stupid jokes. Yea.. so we departed and I went wtih dominique and jeannie to the library .. and borrowed some books to study blah blah. Sigh I dont want to give up on him. I'm going ot try and make this work. That's what loves all about right? Well let's hope he collaborates ^_^ btw, isnt he cute in that picture?

LOVE LOVE LOVE

Yesterday I slept at.. it wasn't really yesterday, it was about 4am.. so todayi slept at 4am and awoke at 9am:D... Yes little sleep is very bad for you.. but I couldn't stop thinking about him last night. I actually thought i got him mad since I just left like that yesterday. I kept wondering if we were still going to the movies are not and lots of other stuff >.> I installed this tetris game on my phone since... tetris is so dam fun >:). Hmm going to watch night at the museum later at 1:50. I can't wait!! This is like our first alone date...:) Btw like the new song on my blog?I first heard it on gossip girl . The episode when chuck FINALLY said I love you to herrr. awwwwwwwww :). Yes I love you are indeed 3 very special words. I hate that people now adays use these 3 words as if it was lol. It's not a word where you can fling around ! You must save it when you mean it ! Funny how 2 people first go out and you can see in their profile "est. blah blah i love you forever<3." style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);"> Not sure what to wear. sitting in front of my table right now drinking apple juiceeee hehe. I can't wait to see him arghh. post later tonight :D

....?

Hmm what's wrong with me lately? I get mood swings everyday = =.. Today is friday and I didnt even do anything after school, I just went home straigh after. They asked me to go to pool with them but I don't know why I just didn't feel like going. I was being pretty cold to Samuel afterschool.. well that's cause he treats me like that in school too. I remember when alvin asked me if I would be able to take not being so close in school... but it's really hard. No one wants to be in a relationship like this. This is nothing like what I wanted. I hope it will change. Well school is ending. Regents are coming up very soon and I havent done any studying whatsoever. I mean, how can I study when I always think about him? =/ . My mind twists and turns everytime I think about him. I always zone off in class. ahhh what is wrongwith me? I hope I don't turn into one of those crazy people. I'm wondering if I should skip school on Monday.... I don't really feel like going... ugh.

Better<3

Ive been feeling better today. Things are getting better between us. I think maybe he's getting more and more comfortable with me ^_^. Today was drizzling a little. The weather has been very weird lately. It gets really hot and starts raining out of no where =[ I'm very stressed about the regents because toda y when we were reviewing for history, I didn't remember a single thing =T. Anyways, This saturday samuel and i are going to the movies. Hmm i wonder if we will last? I hope we do =/. Many people say he's immature but I like that because it makes him fun and cute. Mature is good but there isn't much spark ;T . I hope tomorrow doesn't rain. Im getting really tired of carrying an umbrella. I love the korean group 8eight btw ! Their voices are sooo good and their songs are very addicting :) I love listening to music.. it really calms me down. I can't wait to see him tomorrow hehe.

feeling super shitty

Can't even explain how super shitty i feel right now. I yearn for lloveeeeeee. Sigh... Nothing ot type. Wish I cud express my feelings in the right form of words but it seems as if i cant. Nothing comes out correctly. What is wrong with me? God created me so he can torture me. It's just not fair =[.

Ugh I practically felt like shit the whole day.

and then you had to make it even worse.
it was going well... then boom.

I know im not making any sense right now... But i just don't know how to put it in any other words.


The only thing that can ease me is music =T

Listening to the same song over and over again because it reminds me of you....


if you like me then show it to me=T
i beg you

Im tired of hearing oh u like me and crap. then please... show it to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lazy to type but still will

Have you ever had this feeling...that when ever you like someone, you just cant see yourself being with somebody else? sigh... Feeling very stressed. Wont say why but yea.... eating right now.. first meal today and its like 8:25pm... i feel weak. MY legs are numb. My body is out of control...

i wanted you to be there when i feel
i wanted you to see me through it all
i wanted you to be the one i love
i wanted you i wanted you
i wanted you to hold me in my sleep
i wanted you to show me what i need
i wanted you to know just how damn deep
i wanted you... i wanted you

hmm...

What?....i feell...empty??...어떡하죠?....what can i do what to do what is there to do? I feel... ugh i cant even explain.took toto's with sj today. Went outside for school . hmm... My friends liked my potato salad =). ..

im cold hearted


Dont really want to sound emo or anything.. but fuck my life and myself. nothing goes right. Im sad im sad i want to die.

6.6.09♥

:D he asked me out >.< He was so shhyyyy though. His friend had to push and push him !


currently listening to : simple love- mc mong :D

Don't know what to do.

I dont know what to do. It's funny how whenever a person has problems, they come to me and I help them out and give them suggestions.. and it when it comes to me, I'm helpless. I dont know what to do anymore. I keep hearing stories and I don't know which are true and which are fake. I dont know if he really liked her or if he didnt. I dont know if he's playing both of us. Yesterday night I had a conversation with rinas friendand she was telling me that samuel calls her and that they wudve still been together if samuels mom havent found out. My heart felt like a humongous rock just landed on my chest. Samuel and I are supposed to meet up to talk things out ... I dont know.. ill update later on tonight...


Feeling like shit !


why does this always happen to me?

Chaotic day.

To be honest , I really hate my personality. I'm very immature and I get jealous too easily. So today was culture night. Kids performing, food being served, blah blah enjoy the fucking show. When I got there, my mom was sitting there already ahaha [ how cute]. Samuel , Sam, and alvin was already there. Well he's the reason why I even went in the first place. I could've stayed home to sleep. So um yea.. the show was okay... kinda boring. I expected it already anyway. So ya. At first it was just me my mom and stepdad watching the show. Later on they left to go home because I told them to. I went over to sit next to Devon, William, and Marine and them because I didnt want to sit alone... And Rina was in front of us .. along with her friend arielle. And then arielle made samuelsit next to rina because she still likes hima lot... and I guess I got very jealous. Ughs.. Ive been so tired from hearing about them two. "Ohhh samuel and rina just gave eachother looks". "oh samuel just touched her thighs". "oh samuel balh balh". I was very jealous. The more they told me the more I wanted to cry. So I decided to pull willy out to take a walk with me. Yes I shed a few tears and was comforted by willy an devon.. Samuel kept texting me and asking if i was okay. I didnt reply until I got on the bus. I was really sad. Devon and willy walked me to my bus. ANywaysd... so much more details i left out. But its for me to know. SO yea... he kept texting me... and dominique was talking to them on aim.. And i know he really likes me. and im thefirst girl he really liked. He has never experienced love and his friend said it was the first time he was feeling it. And that makes me very happy... :).. well dominique told me that hes going to ask me tomorrow.. lets see how it goes

:DDDDD

Today was fun fun fun. I hung out with Samuel <3 Even though I played in the arcade alone since he wont play ! grrr.

Happy? ^_^

Althought today was rainy sticky and humid, I liked today very much. I don't know why. Well I didnt like the beginning of the day so much. During gym, My friends and I went up to margaret and we were so close to starting a fight. But then I thought to myself that it wasnt worth it because I was already in trouble and I have a record =[.. Later on they spoke to me again and i guess its settled. Whatever, even if they did steal it it doesnt matter anymore because I have a lx now! yay ! I can finally text again hehehehehee. And oh em gee, I gave the jar of strawberries to samuel ehehe. He was so happy. We are going to hang out tomorrow :) After dominique and I study for the sats. Waaa.. its raining right now i hate it hate it hate it !!!! I wish it would be sunny tomorrow. Ahhh today is a good day ^_^ . Mommy and I are in good terms too. Thats very rare. I hope I finish my missing homework for ms marinos tomorrow. AI have so much to do tomorrow. Study study study !!!!!!!

SKipped school today.

Here I am typing on my blog. I decided not to go to school today. Why?Because I felt like it. I'm so tired of going. There's no one worth going to see. It's not like I want to see ms choi's face. Her face angers me. I hate her guts x10000. She makes my life hell. -____- And as for Samuel, I don't want to see him either. He can touch Rina's thighs all he wants. I hate people like that. Tells me they like me and then go behind my back doing stuff like that and denying it when you ask him. I wonder if next year will be better? of course it will because next year is the year that I will be graduating. I won't have to see these people ! But I do admit I have some godamn good friends. Jody, Fay(even though I haven't known her for a long time), Nicholas, Sujeong, Dominique, Fiona, Patrick, Amanda. I love you all ! :D You guys have always been there for me. Without you guys, I wouldn't exist !

What is wrong?

Today was a pretty good day.. but I don't really know. During lunch[i didnt go down to lunch] dominique and I stayed upstairs to finish on this project. She told me how she saw samuel flirting with rina in the class. I dont get it. He told me he hated her and everyone knows that he hates her and that hes annoyed of her. DOminique sai dhe probably did it because he wanted to make me jealous cus he knew dominique would tell me. It was so awkward seeing him afterschool. Everyones telling me how he and this other guy likes me. How do they even know? Is he telling people? I like him too... I really do.. I just wish he had more courage to speak up to me. Schools ending very soon and I'm very excited. Today sujeong gave me her old Lx . Im a really lucky person ... especially with sidekicks. They just love me haha. Afterschool dominique and I went to sujeongs house. It was so fun. We got to play Wii . I had so much fun hugging and kissing her little brother. He's so darn cute !!!! I wish he was mine. Ugh I'm so tired right now but I still haven't showered yet. Should I shower in the morning or not? OH and should I go to the cops and make a big deal out of the Margaret thing? Maybe I should steal something of hers back and flush it down the toilet. its not like i'd ever wanna use her nasty stuff. I really hope tomorrows a better day. I pray I pray oh I pray.